A Thousand False Starts – Endless New Beginnings

October 1, 2012

I see my hypocrisy best in others. I see their faults, and – when I’m lucky – catch a glimpse of me in the mirror. The hard part is staying aware that it’s all the same shit – that their faults aren’t worse than mine, just different. Pride tends to let me excuse my own.

I’m furious with a friend right now. I care about this person, which is why their deception hurts as deeply as it does. Naturally, I feel my anger is just. I have reason to be angry.

Until I stop and look at the bigger picture. Until I even up the ledger with my own debts, faults and weakness. Then I don’t have quite as much maneuvering room for my slick and shiny prosecution. Reminds me of that passage about pointing out a speck in a brothers eye while a log sticks out of my own. (Mt 7:1-5)

Now I have to consider forgiveness. I don’t want to do that. My anger is far too justified…except that I need to be forgiven too. Maybe not now, but trust me, I’ll need it soon enough. If I haven’t screwed up yet, the day ain’t done.

That same passage talks about how God judges us the same way we judge others. I better slow down and look at that again, maybe even pray about what that means. Taken at face value, I’d say that a whole lot of people are crying “Lord, Lord” but aren’t doing the work of our Father in Heaven. (Mt 7:21-23)

I’d also say that I better be forgiving.


My Appologies – Too Busy To Love

November 3, 2010

I’m sorry. I’ve been so busy reading about community I simply don’t have a spare minute to actually live it.

Please forgive me. I have to prepare for my small group class on loving people, I simply don’t have a spare minute to actually live it.

Please understand my position. I have to prepare for ministry, I simply don’t have a spare minute to actually live it.

My intention is to live a life that so attracts people to Jesus that they are helpless before His power, I simply don’t have a spare minute to actually live it.

Sorry you missed His joy.

Sorry you were so unhappy.

Sorry you needed help and I wasn’t there.

Sorry you needed me to stop and be Jesus for you, for just one minute.

Sorry you killed yourself for lack of a friendship I could have offered you.

Sorry you went to hell because I chose not to love you more than myself.

I was busy learning to get it right so I could do everything my ego convinced me I needed to do.

I hope I forget you quickly so I can go back to normal.

Dear Jesus forgive me.

My best cop-out yet.

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